Cactuar's Story.
by selph
Summary: Cactuar gets un-junctioned and is on the loose. What does he teach our beloved children of the Balamb-world? hmMm...HEHE I went insane again and I like cactus...so...=) read plz.
1. Lessons On Frolicking

disclaimer: I dont own cactuar or ff8 children.  
  
Note: I went insane again. I like Cactus. Cactus are shiny...kind of. Cactuar rules. The End. -Cactuar Story-  
  
This Chapter is containing mostly: Selphie, Seifer, Squall and Cactuar (a little of the others)  
  
Selphie: Cactuar is missing  
  
Squall: ..is that possible?  
  
Seifer: Your such a fucking loser Selphie, Cactuar can't just get up and walk away!  
  
Squall: ..look behind you.  
  
*Seifer turns around*  
  
Cactuar: Hi. My name is Cactuar. I like to..Run...aboot  
  
Seifer: What the hell?  
  
Selphie: HI CACTTTTTUUUUAAARRRR!  
  
Squall: ..Why am I here again?  
  
Cactuar: Hello girl who junctioned me alot.  
  
Seifer: *smacks self in the head* Have I been smoking?  
  
Squall: If you've been smoking, than would mean I am too. Because I am seeing the same thing.  
  
*Squall and Seifer turn to see Selphie petting the Cactus*  
  
Seifer: What is wrong with her?  
  
Squall: I didn't create her.  
  
Seifer: I'd hope not, cause then you would be a woman.  
  
Selphie: Cactus. I like Cactus  
  
Cactuar: I am Cactuar. Look at me frolic!  
  
Selphie: What is this..fro-lic...you speak of?  
  
Seifer: ......  
  
Squall: ........  
  
Cactuar: Well, You first put your arms like you are going to run and then you...jump and skip and look like a pansy.  
  
Selphie: *tries and falls over* LIke that????????  
  
Seifer: Oh dear. Cactus-bonding.  
  
Cactuar: *Glares at Seifer and Squall* You two, frolic now.  
  
Squall: What..?  
  
Seifer: No way.  
  
Selphie: *tries again and does it right* YAY I'M DOING IT CACTUAR!  
  
Seifer: Please no.  
  
Cactuar: You *Points to Seifer* will get a prick in your ass if you dont.  
  
Seifer: Dammit...*frolics badly* there we go happy?  
  
Cactuar: that will do.  
  
Squall: *Chuckles*  
  
Cactuar: You, shy boy, your turn  
  
Squall: *tries to frolic and falls on his head* er.  
  
Selphie: Your doing it wrong.  
  
Squall: I dont care.  
  
Seifer: Do it right! I have to do it right *Frolics again* There we go!!  
  
Selphie: YAY SEIFY! *hugs Seifer*  
  
Seifer: Get off me *pushes Selphie off*  
  
Cactuar: Hey! Cactuar likes bonding. Hugging is allowed.  
  
Squall: *frolics* I did it.  
  
Cactuar: YAYYYYYYY Now everyone on the count of 3 FROLIC!  
  
Seifer, Selphie and Squall: *frolic*  
  
Cactuar: Again!!!!!  
  
*They frolic*  
  
Quistis: *coughs* What is going on?  
  
Cactuar: Excuse me ma'am we are having frolicking lessons. Please do not disturb.  
  
Quistis: *walks away* Was that Cactuar?????? 


	2. Cactuar's Facts Of Life.

This chapter contains: Rinoa, Selphie, Seifer and Zell.  
  
Selphie: Cactuar's going to teach me his lessons on life.  
  
Seifer: Ya, I'm only going for the free pizza.  
  
Zell: pizza? *rubs stomach* yum yum.  
  
Rinoa: I wanna meet cactuar..  
  
Cactuar: Welcome children!!  
  
Rinoa: HIIIIII!!!!!!  
  
Cactuar: Hello My Children. Today's lesson is: Cactuar's facts of life.  
  
Seifer: Where's the pizza?  
  
Zell: pizzzzzzaaa  
  
Cactuar: Theres no pizza, I just wanted you guys to come.  
  
Selphie: Awww Cactyyy!  
  
Seifer: :| damn.  
  
Rinoa: okay, well talk to us Cactuar!!  
  
Zell: oOo  
  
Cactuar: *hands out sheets of paper* These are my facts of life.  
  
Zell: Eh?  
  
Seifer: Ok...  
  
*the 4 of them start reading it*  
  
-Cactuars Facts Of Life- 1. Humping Angered Cactus Is Wrong! It will result in getting pricked.  
  
2. Roaming Cactus are armed.  
  
3. Once a Cactus Humper...Always a cactus humper.  
  
4. Frolicking with Cactus is good.  
  
5. Cactuar likes friendship and bonding.  
  
6. Cactuar doesn't appreciate people stealing his pricks.  
  
7. IMPORTANT FACT!! Cactus Like Llamas  
  
-The End Of The Facts of Life-  
  
Selphie: So touching..  
  
Cactuar: You liked it??  
  
Seifer: .......  
  
Zell: COOOOOoLLLLLLLLL!!!! I like Llamas too!!  
  
Rinoa: I liek Cactus!!!!  
  
Cactuar: Alright my children, tomorow's lesson will be on how to pet a cactus.  
  
Selphie: I'll be there!  
  
Rinoa: Me 2!!  
  
Zell: Sure..  
  
Seifer: nope.  
  
Cactuar: Yes mean man.  
  
Seifer: no asshole.  
  
Cactuar: *looks angered*  
  
Selphie: REMEMBER FACT ONE!!  
  
Seifer: eep *runs*  
  
Cactuar: good job Selphie :) 


	3. How To Pet A Cactus

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------  
  
This chapter contains: Rinoa, Selphie, and Squall.  
  
Rinoa: Squallll, cactuar is a good teacher!!  
  
Selphie: YA!! We learn things!!  
  
Squall: I dont wanna go.  
  
Rinoa: *grabs Squall* your coming!!  
  
Squall: fine...  
  
Cactuar: Welcome my children!!!!!  
  
Selphie: HI!!!!!!  
  
Cactuar: Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE HOME.  
  
Squall: can i go now?  
  
Selphie: No.  
  
Rinoa: What are we learning today?  
  
Cactuar: How to pet a cactus.  
  
Rinoa: OO! sounds fun.  
  
Selphie: CAN I GO FIRSTTTTT!  
  
Cactuar: No, lets let the little boy do it first.  
  
Rinoa: *starts laughing* Little boy...*chuckles*  
  
Squall: ..Me?  
  
Cactuar: You are the only boy kidling here!  
  
Squall: So..what do I have to do?  
  
Cactuar: *Pulls a mini cacti-plant out of its unseen pocket* See the prickleys?  
  
Squall: Yes.  
  
Cactuar: Pet where the prickleys arent.  
  
Squall: Ok...*Pokes the cactus and it starts giggling*  
  
Cactuar: IT LIKES YOU!!  
  
Selphie and Rinoa: *claps* Yay!! Go Squally!!  
  
Squall: ok.  
  
Cactuar: *hugs Squall and tears* I'm...so proud. *lets go of Squall*  
  
Squall: Ow....*picks off a couple prickleys*  
  
Cactuar: Oh, sorry about that.  
  
Selphie: My turnn!!??!?!  
  
Cactuar: okay *pulls out another cactus* now pet it my child.  
  
Selphie: *pets it* teehee *the cactus starts frolicking*  
  
Cactuar: WOW! It really likes you!!!!  
  
Selphie: YAAAAAYYYYYY!  
  
Rinoa: I wannnaaa tryyyy  
  
Cactuar: Okay, *Pulls out another cactus* Now pte it Rinoa my child.  
  
Rinoa: Okay *pets it*  
  
Cactuar: Hmm..pet it again  
  
Rinoa: Okay *pets it again* *the cactus falls over and twitches and starts giggling*  
  
Cactuar: Wow...you guys have the cacti-touch.  
  
Squall: ...Can I leave now?  
  
*Irvine walks in*  
  
Irvine: What the hell is going on in here?  
  
Selphie: Irvy! Try to pet a cactus!!  
  
Squall: I want to leave...now...  
  
Cactuar: Stay for the last petting. *Pulls out Cactus*  
  
Irvine: What do I do?  
  
Rinoa: Pet it. Where the pricks aren't  
  
Irvine: okay *pets it* *the cactus starts turning red and begins shaking*  
  
Cactuar: RUN!  
  
*Everyone runs and the cactus explodes*  
  
Selphie: It not like you Irvy.  
  
Irvine: How sad.  
  
*Everyone walks away*  
  
Cactuar: Come back tomorrow my children!!!! 


	4. Story Time

disclaimer: i dun own the charactersssss. =)  
  
  
Quistis: And I let you drag me into this why?  
Selphie: Cactuar is so great! I love his classes!  
Squall: ... I didn't enjoy the frolicking.   
Seifer: What are we going to learn today? *rolls eyes*  
Cactuar: We are going to hear a story.  
Selphie: YAY! Story!!!!  
Irvine: Great...Fun..Skippy..  
Squall: What kind of...story?  
Cactuar: Shh..  
Rinoa: Okay. *sits*  
*Seifer, Quistis, Selphie, Squall and Irvine sit as well*  
Squall: *hiccups*  
Selphie and Cactuar: SHHHHH!!!!  
Cactuar: *cough...**coughcoughcoughcough* Once upon a time...In Cactuarland...A zillion cactuses frolicked together...with the llamas.  
Seifer: *Yawn*  
Selphie: *whispers* shush!   
Seifer: ....grrr...  
Cactuar: One day...a bad llama came into our lands...and a big thunderstorm started up. We all ran for shelter...But that didn't stop the...DEMON LLAMA!!  
Selphie: OH GOD HOLD ME *grabs a chair and holds*  
Seifer and Squall: ......................rite.  
Irvine: *chuckles*  
Quistis: I dont get it.....  
Irvine: Me either.  
Cactaur: *coughs again* The demon llama took over some other llamas....and formed...DLG...the Demon Llama Gang. I was a young cacti myself. I hid with my mother...and my sister...And one evening...The DLG found us. My mother was taken..  
Selphie: *sniffs* OH NO!  
Rinoa: How..sad..  
Seifer: *Snore*  
Cactuar: All the llamas disapeared...I havent seen my llama-friends...since......*begins to cry*  
Seifer: *wakes up* *yawns*   
Irvine: Thats...so..  
Quistis: Sad!!!!!!  
Selphie: *is sobbing* Oh Cactuar! I'm so sorry!!!!!  
Rinoa: *sniffs* So..sad....  
Squall: .....  
Seifer: Is it over yet?  
*Everyone but Squall glares at Seifer*  
Cactuar: Children...I need...some time alone...  
Squall: Bye..  
Rinoa: *sniffs and cries on Squall's shoulder* I feel so sad Squally!!!!  
Squall: Dont be sad....just...frolic.  
Cactuar: Frolic? *wipes eyes* Frolic...yes...frolic please.  
Selphie: *puts hand on cactuars shoulder* We will frolic for you.  
Quistis: Yes..Selph will teach me.  
Irvine: Yall...we better go now....leave the poor cactus alone..  
*Everyone leaves Cactuar to cry* 


	5. Cactuars Friends

Selphie: We have to make Cactuar happy again!!   
Rinoa: Ya! But, how?   
Seifer: Why?   
Quistis: Seifer! You big jerk!! Can't you be NICE for once?   
Squall: ....   
Zell: Fine I'll help.   
Irvine: Me too.   
Selphie: YAY!!!!!!!!   
Rinoa: Seifer? Squall?   
Squall: I..left..something on the stove...   
Rinoa: =O No you didnt!!   
Seifer: Why do we have to help a dumb cactus?   
Quistis: DUMB?!   
Selphie: DONT YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR CACTUS?! HE HAS TAUGHT US SO MUCH VALUBLE INFORMATION!!!!! AND YOU DONT EVEN WANT TO HELP MAKE HIM HAPPY! YOU UNGRATEFUL JERK!!!!   
Seifer: *looks shocked*   
Squall, Zell, Irvine: *chuckles* you got told!!!!   
Seifer: Shush.   
Rinoa: So are we all gonna help?   
Selphie: *glares*   
Squall: Sure....   
Quistis: Seifer?   
Seifer: Fine..grr..   
Selphie: okay heres the plan......   
*Quistis walks into Cactuars room*   
Cactuar: *sniffs* *turns* Oh *sniff* hello.  
Quistis: Hey! I found something you might like!!   
Cactuar: I'm sorry my child. Im not feeling skippy.   
Quistis: Please?   
Cactuar: *sighs* fine   
*Cactuar and Quistis walk into the Quad to see 6 llamas frolicking*   
Cactuar: MY LLAMA FRIENDS?!?!!?   
Selphie Llama: llaaammmaaa nooOIiIise.   
Cactuar: OH LAMETTE!!!! AND LLAMOSES!!!! OH GOD LLAMAHENRY?!   
Seifer: Yes....it is i. LlamaHenry.   
Cactuar: Wait...*looks at Rinoa llama*   
Quistis: uh oh...   
Cactuar: its just you guys   
Seifer: ...grr..   
Zell: We tried!!!!!   
Cactuar: *sniffs* I love you guys! I want...to be friends.   
Squall: Oh.   
Selphie: we are friends!!!!   
Rinoa: ya!!!!   
Cactuar: *sniffs again* really?   
Zell: Sure  
Irvine: Ya just dont attack us.   
Cactuar: Oh my g. that is so jiggy. i feel so hyperkool I want to frolic!   
Quistis: Than frolic.   
Cactaur: I PRAISE YOU ALL MY CHILDREN!!!!   
Seifer: Im sorry.   
Irvine: *smacks Seifer* shush.   
Cactuar: *does a little dance* *zillions of cacti fall to the ground* MY CHEEEEELLLLLDREEEENNNNN   
Seifer: *Starts screaming like a female* GET THE CACTI AWAY   
Zell: How cute! *Pets mini cactuars*  
Selphie: *picks one up* I name it Booyaka!!!   
Squall: *looks down to see a cacti petting his leg* Hello.   
Cacti: Me-ow...WOOF....moo   
Squall: ?   
Cacti: *Jumps on Squall*   
Cactuar: They love you......GROUP HUG! *grabs everyone and tears*   
Irvine: Ouch..   
Rinoa: oh dear..the pain   
Quistis: CACTUAR YOUR PRICKLEYS R GUNNA KILL US   
Cactuar: Oh yes *lets go*   
*Headmaster Cid walks out*   
Cid: WHAT IN THE CACTUAR IS GOING ON HERE?   
Cactuar: Whom are you?   
Cid: Cactuar!!   
Cactuar: *throws Cactus at Cid* No speaky english.   
*Everyone chuckles*   
Selphie: *pets Booyaka*   
Zell: I wonder if you can eat it...   
Cactuar: NO EATING. NO JUST NO!!!!!!!!!   
Zell: *takes a cactus and runs*   
Cactuar: NOOOoOOOoOOoO BABY CACTUAAAAARRRRRR *runs after Zell*   
*Zell jumps over a random rock and falls the cactus falls out of his hands*   
The Mini Cactus: You are evil!! *Shoots cactineedles*   
Zell: *twitch* .........noooOoOoOoO.   
Selphie: =O   
Seifer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *coughs* HAHAHAHAHAHA CHICKENWUSS GOT SHOOTED WITH CACTINEEDLES!   
Zell: *picks up the mini cactuar and throws it at seifer*   
*Seifer falls over*   
Rinoa: How..fluffy.   
Squall: I chuckle.   
Quistis: I do as well.   
Irvine: o.O   
Cactuar: WE ARE SUCH A HAPPY FAMILY!!! I MUST TEACH YOU MORE!!!!! EVERYDAY CACTUAR LESSONS AT 8A.M! BE THERE OR THESE CACTI WILL FIND YOU!!!! 


End file.
